How does one sum up a zero?

No equation, nothing, absent 

Much like a silent L in the word would

Would you love a zero, if you could?

Describe for me what emptiness means

Can being empty tear one at the seams?

And if so, should you walk away?

From the very thing that means nothing these days?

No equation, no value, no interpretations made

From the very beliefs that chronically stains

We repeat words of no sentiment, yet with much recourse

Left a zero with tons of remorse

Nothing to evaporate from

It’s just a meaningless sum

No voice, no concrete sustenance; can you even hear my call?

Because when all is said and done, am I nothing at all?

And can you love that?  Would you take it into your arms?

The dimensions unseen, would you bring me into your heart?

My sorrows are pathetic, at best

Left bowing down to assumptions, forgetting all the rest

If zero is nothing and nothing can be seen

How do you know that the one you hold is me?

How do you know I am the one you are watching fall

How do you know I am something, somebody, not nothing at all?

How do you convince a torn soul?

Those considerations remain unknown

That everything I have done up to this point; is worth a value

How can a nothing call this home without you?

Because I am empty, void, obsolete 

Without the one that gives me meaning

A zero, a null and void, divided by nothing; in fear of the unknown, I stall

That in truth, I feel I have been canceled out, beckoning your call

Big words, big meanings, they fall deaf on me

Superseded by this crying disease 

That without love, I remain haggard, drowning in my own sea

That when someone refers to knowing nothing at all, I automatically think …

They are speaking of me

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I ended the pain today

Because I could not stand it anymore

I ended the pain today

Because I no longer wished to remain nonexistent

To be nothing in a past of sorrows evermore

To becoming no one to those who never knew of me before

I ended the pain today

Because I grew tired of praying for death to succumb me

I ended the pain today

Because I want to live but didn’t know how

It wasn’t an easy step for me to take

It wasn’t a simple decision for me to make

It was never going to be a process generously accepted

First I had to learn to trust

Second I had to learn what Faith really means

I had to let go of the pain other’s caused me

I had caused others

Pain I held unto for so long I had to let go

It was me I had to forgive

Even if it was not me to blame

I had to let that go too

I ended my pain today…

The very moment I accepted you my Lord, my Savoir

I ended my pain today

When I chose to let myself and the world go

It wasn’t easy

It will never be simple

But I will never be alone again

And I will always be home

When I would not or could not believe

You were there for me

No I didn’t die

Just my way of thinking

I ended my pain today

Because I was willing to let go of the bad influences

Of the pain, this deep dark penetrating ache

But not God!  He always had faith in me

Because of you Lord I can now spread my wings

For this I thank you Lord…

For everything!

I long to go to heaven

I long only to be good

So that for once I could be loved

Instead of always misunderstood

 

I long to know the touch

Of one gentle but not frail

To be a part of the grand design

Where I do not always seem to fail

 

To love, to laugh and be free

A life changing event

To grow, to be nurtured

Not to be relented against

 

To be this child never more

To know what it means to be loved

To give myself to those I care about

No longer hiding from the ones I trust

 

I long to remain altruistic

Within this circle of tragedy, I am restrained

I long to walk in this life proudly

Never again forsaking my own name!